All in Forgiveness
Now lies hold a common place in life today. If you don’t think so, watch any 24-hour news network or listen to a politician speak for more than 5 minutes. They know just how to phrase something to convince you it is truth and keep up their ad sells, viewership and voting numbers.
Ponder this: To a God who sees lust as adultery, and hatred as murder (Matthew 5:21-30), how do you believe He sees evil words and angry outbursts? I believe that God sees emotional abuse no less a sin than physical abuse. Both expose an ugly side of our heart – the side that is rebellious and must have its own way at all cost. Whenever we hold ourselves in higher regard than our spouse, we sin!
We neglect our spouses. Then wonder what happened when we find ourselves in the ditch. For example, if I pursue work as my priority for a few weeks, months, years and then want to have an intimate conversation with my long-suffering spouse, I will find both of us unable to do the heavy lifting. There is truth in the proverb- use it or lose it.
The consequences of poor decisions, or sin, can be long-lasting in your marriage. But with dedication, putting one day behind the next, doing what is right day after day, allowing God’s spirit to heal the hurt, I promise the trust will be rebuilt.
I am feeling very nostalgic, probably because it is the season. It is the time of the year that we look back and give thanks for all that God has done in our lives. And this is exactly what I have found myself doing. I've been looking at old pictures of Jody and I, our life together, our three beautiful children, and past holidays spent with family and friends. My conclusion is that God has richly blessed my family! I know this from my 2017 vantage point, but I didn't always know this to be true. I wish there was a way I could go back and encourage my younger self in the faith!
We must lay aside our pride, acknowledge our hurt and let our spouse know when our feelings have been injured. I can’t stress how important the act of humbling yourself is to the health of your marriage! This will take a soul-bearing conversation where you may have to admit to your spouse that you are not as secure as you’d like to think you are or that you portray. It will require you to be vulnerable.
As I think back to those months, I wish I had had someone to explain to me the hurt I inflicted on my spouse. But I had no one, and frankly, no one probably ever knew the struggle going on between Jody and I – it was truly a private war and fought by two exhausted soldiers! My independent behavior told Jody, my battle buddy and soul mate, that I didn't need him, and that I could not be trusted in the midst of the battle. Jody’s anger toward me told me that his love for me was conditional.
Even on our morning walks, I will see weeds in our neighbor’s yards and will want to stop and pick them – so, it’s not just the grass, I guess I am a weed freak, that sounds weird, but I trust you understand.
Right before Sylvester Stalone starts landing blows on his opponent in each of the famous Rocky movies, a referee reminds him of the rules. The two menacing boxers stand toe to toe- drenched in sweat, boxing gloves on. The referee pulls down a microphone from the sky and starts explaining the rules. “We want a good clean fight, no sucker punches or blows below the waist, touch gloves, and when I say go to your corner, go there and stay there, and don’t come out until you hear the bell. May the best fighter win!” I have often thought that this referee would make a great wedding officiant. He could wed people and start them off on the right foot on how to fight fairly.
I have told this story on numerous occasions and I love the laughter and the follow up question “can we see the scar?” But as I think back on this crazy trip I can’t stop from looking at it more deeply- so bear with me - there are things that desire to hurt you! This thing, for the purpose of this blog, is sin. Sin is always crouching at the door, desiring to crush you! (Genesis 4:7) This is nothing new
