Dear Eat Up with Guilt,
Dear Word Washed Wife,
I have been married for 16 years. My husband is a great man. He is honest, a good father to our two children and he loves Jesus. He is the happiest when he is out in the woods; he hunts every day he can during deer and turkey season. I don’t want to keep him from doing what he loves, but I am lonely. That is the only explanation I have for what has happened to me. You see, I’ve fallen in love with someone else. He is someone I met years ago that recently came back into my life when our children played on the same little league team. My husband knows this man and actually likes him. I haven’t acted on these feelings, but I am sick with guilt. In my head and my heart, I have had an affair. Should I tell my husband, my pastor, my Mom, or who? Help me please!
Eat Up with Guilt
Dear Eat Up with Guilt,
Today was the first step in forgiveness and getting your marriage back on the right track. Thank you for being willing to share your question and story with me and my readers. I know you are embarrassed and wondering how you got to this point. I am sure you are not alone in this situation. Probably many sisters have had these same feelings but they do not have as sensitive of a heart to realize they are wrong and need to confess the sin. I applaud the part of you who knew this was wrong and that you needed help to nip it in the bud before anything goes any further.
I am a believer of the truth and “nothing but the truth, so help me Heavenly Father.” I am confident there are many counselors who would disagree, but I’m not a counselor. I’m just a lady who loves Jesus and writes a blog. I’d love to get you off the hook, but don’t think I can find any scriptural based way out. Sister, you need to tell the truth. And the person you need to tell after you have repented to God, is your husband. You must embrace a lifestyle of truth telling. I’m fairly confident that one of the reasons you got to this point in your head and heart with this other Little League Dad, is from not being honest with your husband about how his obsession with hunting is hurting you. You need to tell your spouse you are lonely when he spends “every day possible” during hunting season away from you. I’m not saying he has to give up hunting. What I’m saying is that you need to come clean with how his love of hunting makes you feel, and your loneliness to the point of being tempted by another man. Your husband may have to give up hunting in order to fulfill his “love your wife more than yourself” bargain. (Ephesians 5:25) That is between him and God. But a wise husband would take this wake-up call very seriously.
Your marriage needs strengthening and there is no place better to start then on your knees in prayer. I will be praying your husband hears the news with grace, but he has a right to be angry and hurt. When he has come to terms with your confession, you need to sincerely ask his forgiveness and admit your fault. We will let the Holy Spirit convict him of his part in this problem. Next, you both need to pray together and ask God to bind your hearts back together and sealed to His heart! (Song of Solomon 8:6) Don’t forget your marriage covenant includes you, your husband and God. Don’t try to do marriage by worldly standards or under your own steam. As Christians one of the privileges of kingdom membership is to have God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, heal your marriage and help it to grow.
If we don’t keep our marriage and/or our walk with God a priority our heart can wander. This is what hearts do. You have had a very close call. Sister, I would challenge you to re-look at your faith. What does your daily walk look like? Are you spending time in the word, in prayer and in fellowship with other Christian sisters? All three are important. I’ve never met a person, male or female, who was pursuing Jesus with their whole heart- who had an affair, emotional or otherwise. It’s a point worth considering. I helped my daughter lead music for the little kids at our church Sunday and she started a silly song that I had never heard before, but it left an impression. The song said “don’t read your Bible and pray every day- and you’ll get weak, weak, weak” and she shrank down to the floor as she sang it. The kids loved it and I hope the spiritual truth sticks in their little hearts. In order to be in a thriving relationship, we must spend time together- that includes your earthly relationship with your husband and just as much so with your heavenly Father.
Please read the Word Washed Wife series on friendship. It may help find ways to spend time with your husband in recreational activities- And consider hunting with your husband- you might like it 😊!
Stay washed in the word, my sweet sister! And keep reading, friends!
PS Your husband needs to be responsible for taking your child to Little League practice and games- you have been benched😊!
“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
DISCLAIMER: In the interest of all reading, and with an intent to simplify some questions, I have taken the liberty to edit some letters. Because every marriage situation is unique and multi-faceted, I have personally reached out to each person who wrote me an e-mail to offer more specific details that address their needs.