Without Spot or Wrinkle
Each morning before my husband, Jody, leaves to go to work, he and I take time together to walk our dog, Lucy. We talk about the day, pray together and memorize scripture. We have moved into memorizing chapters at a time. This is tough, but it’s good for our spirits, and our aging brains! 😊 At present, we are memorizing Ephesians 5. Yesterday we worked on learning verse 27. Jody was reading. When I heard him say the word, “wrinkle,” I had to take a momentary pause. I have read this chapter numerous times … it’s the marriage chapter, for goodness sake!
But for some reason the word, “wrinkle,” had never before jumped out at me. I bristled. Jody laughed. Then we discussed what we thought the text was saying. Now let me back up a few verses so that you get the entire message.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV).”
Spot or wrinkle, say what?
Wrinkle is such a yucky word. Wrinkles are not desirable … in anything, really. A new wrinkle discovered on the face, near the eyes or mouth, will elicit a shopping spree to the nearest cosmetic counter to explore the latest and greatest anti-aging crème and lotion, or so my friends tell me. LOL
I went on with my day thinking and noticing wrinkles at every turn.
Later in the afternoon I did a search on Amazon for new sheets for our guest room bed. Reviews consistently pointed out, in a negative fashion, when the sheets looked wrinkled – a “Yes” for wrinkles meant less stars. I then started a new search for “sheets that don’t wrinkle.” 17 came up! Bingo! 😊 I promptly ordered new sheets; they will be here in 2 days! But, that “wrinkle” word had now jumped out at me twice in the same day; it was bothering me … again!
Then I looked over at my bookshelf, and what did I see? A book with the word “wrinkle” in the title – A Wrinkle in Time. Well, I tried to tell myself, that was just a Madeleine L’Engle fantasy. I won’t try to explain that “wrinkle;” it would require my having a far better grasp on quantum physics and wormholes, etc. But, I will say this – the book was much better than the movie. Sorry, Oprah! 😊
At the end of the day my husband came home grumbling about a “wrinkle” in one of his contracts. He muttered something about someone being on the fringe of integrity. So one more time, that word “wrinkle” was said and used in a not so favorable way. Nobody, I then satisfied myself, likes wrinkles!
Well, an exception could be made for the wrinkles on a Shar Pei puppy. Aren’t they the cutest puppies ever!!? But I digress!
Without spot or Wrinkle:
All fun aside, the “wrinkle” that the Apostle Paul wrote about in his letter to the Ephesians has more to do with our sin than our aging skin. Being “without spot or wrinkle or any such thing” is a spiritual state; not a physical one. Paul did not mean that if a husband diligently washed his wife in the Word her skin would stay smooth and creamy like a baby’s behind. No! He intended a much deeper meaning. I believe that Paul wanted the Ephesians to understand that a wife, and eventually the church, when washed by the Word and the blood of Jesus, would become holy and without sin. Paul’s desire was for all of us to become more like the holy God we serve! So, I see the “spots” as obvious sins – they are the ones that everyone sees. The “wrinkles” are the sins that only a godly husband, who truly knows his wife, will notice and speak to.
My youngest son was a chubby baby – a true “chunky monkey” if there ever was one; precious in every way! When he was a baby I started calling him … and still do to his fully-grown and bearded self … “Precious.” Actually, everyone in our family calls him Precious. The name fits him! Anyway, when he played outside, each and every roll and crease on his body would collect dirt. We used to call the stuff found under a baby’s third chin, “Granny’s beads.” Actually, it was just muck! Nothing special. But, it had to be cleaned or else would develop a smell. Now, a new mom may not know to look for Granny’s beads the first time or two she bathes her chunky babe, but her nose will eventually push her to further investigate as the days wear on and things begin to ripen. A well-trained mom will search under her baby’s chin and in-between the wrinkles and folds with a warm soapy rag every time she bathes her precious one … because she knows her little one’s hiding places for muck. Dirt is in the wrinkle.
Intimacy in Marriage: Husband, when you “love your wife as Christ loved the church,” you must apply to her the same level of attention and detail as a mother does when washing her baby. This level of intimacy doesn’t just happen – it is cultured and nurtured through years of intentional life and seeking Christ together. This level of intimacy comes from becoming a student of each other. It comes after countless hours of conversations about real stuff, not just the busyness of the day and who is picking up dinner. It comes from discussions about feelings, hurts, joys, dreams, and fears. This level of intimacy comes from reading the word together and after praying together. This level of intimacy doesn’t happen overnight, or even after 100 nights, but after years of abiding in Christ together as a married couple!
Jody knows of my wrinkles and of my granny beads. 😊 A few weeks ago I had lunch with an old friend that I had not seen since college. We caught up on kids, grandkids, jobs, and life in general. After a few minutes it was apparent to me that God had richly blessed her and her family financially. I was outwardly happy for her, but deep down, and in one of my hidden wrinkles, I planted a seed or two of jealousy. Shortly after leaving that lunch, Jody, my hubby, called. He asked how the lunch went. I caught him up, as sweetly as I could, on the details of the date with my friend; not at all mentioning my sin of jealousy. But Jody didn’t miss a beat. Like a new mom who with a soapy rag goes straight under her precious one’s chin to clean out the muck, Jody did so with his words to me. He didn’t have to ask me if I was jealous. He knew. He said, “I know you sweetheart, and the jealousy I hear in your voice is unbecoming and, frankly, is an insult to God who has richly blessed our family too.” I was shocked and immediately convicted. I thanked him for his loving but brutally honest rebuke. I then spent the next 10 minutes repenting to my Heavenly Father for my covetous heart.
I am sad to say that I didn’t repent on my own as soon as I left that lunch with my friend. Left alone, the seeds I planted may have grown for a while. My jealousy may have shown up the next time I ran into her when I wondered why I wasn’t truly happy to see her. But, I am sure that before long, and perhaps after I had already injured my relationship with my old friend, I would have heard the voice of the Holy Spirit prompting me to repentance.
No one else but my husband, save my own Mom and maybe my intuitive daughter, would have noticed that little bit of muck hiding out in a wrinkle in my heart. Only our Savior, who lovingly gave everything for His church, or a person who is intimately connected to us, is invested to that level. What the Apostle Paul encourages spouses to do is to know each other well, to love each other well and to hold each other accountable through a thorough washing in God’s Word. When I grasped the meaning of “wrinkle” after lunch a few weeks ago, I thanked God for my Savior and for a loving husband who was not surprised but instead knew me so well that he happily grabbed the soapy washcloth that is the Word and cleansed my heart.
I am thankful for a husband who intimately knows me and knows the Father. I am thankful for a God who knows every inch of my heart and soul and cares about its state. God cares about you this same way. This is why He had Paul pen those words about loving, sanctifying and washing in the Word. This is God’s plan for your marriage. And on a bigger scale, this is God’s plan for His church. With both, all must be done in community. We need to be known and loved on this earth in order for Jesus to collect us, his bride, without spot or wrinkle.
But how does this happen, you ask?
This is not happening in my marriage, you complain.
How do I take my marriage from where it is now to what is described in the 5th chapter of Ephesians?
Keep reading friends as I give a basic road map that has worked in my own married life! It hits the three best attractions on the Marriage Map: the land of LOVING, the land of SANCTIFYING and the land of WASHING.
WooHoo! A new WordWashedWife Series! Keep reading as we unpack the powerful words in the letter to the Ephesians.
Until then take the first step:
1) Start a deep your conversations with your spouse. Turn off the TV and ask not how their day went, but how the events of the day made them feel. Big difference!
2) Ask how you can pray for them. Don’t accept a superficial prayer request, lean in and truly see their hurts and needs.
Love each other well and stay washed in the Word. And keep reading, friends!
“"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18 ESV
