The Goal of Marriage
The final post in the Without Spot or Wrinkle series on Ephesians 5 is finally here! I pray you have enjoyed the series; if you are new to Word Washed Wife, you can find the entire series under the FAITH and FAMILY tab. As always, thank you for faithfully reading.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV).”
The King is coming! Hallelujah!
My husband and I hosted our entire family this year for Thanksgiving. It was grand having all our children’s precious faces around my dining room table again. Much of the day I was in the kitchen busy cooking, while my grands played inside and the men fried the turkey outside. At one point, Julia, one of my three-year-old granddaughters, strolled by dressed up as Elsa from FROZEN. She looked adorable. I greeted her with a cheerful, “Happy Thanksgiving, Elsa.” She immediately corrected me, “It is coronation day, sweet mama. You should say -Happy Coronation Day, Elsa!” I chuckled. She was reenacting a scene from her favorite movie where Elsa is crowned Queen of Arendelle. Sweet child; and a moment I won’t soon forget. But her words reminded me that one day soon a “true” eternal coronation day is coming!
“… so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,”
During this advent season filled with anticipation of the celebration of His birth, and the busyness of the holidays, let us not forget – He is coming again! I can’t wait for the church to be united to Christ and eternity to begin (Matthew 24:29-31)!
ANTICIPATION
A soul-filling desire is what Paul hinted at when he wrote the verses, we are looking at today. (Ephesians 5:25-27) He desired the church to anticipate and prepare for the BIG day! He wants to keep our focus on staying ready!
I understand the feelings of anticipation. Jody and I dated for three years and then were engaged for two additional years before we finally tied the knot. For both of us, our singular purpose in those last few months in college before we wed was eliminating every barrier between us and the altar. Specifically, we had to graduate! We discussed our plans, held each other accountable about study time and spurred each other on so that nothing could upset OUR day! We were passionate and loving friends seeking to make a reality the commitment we both felt in our hearts.
What Jody and I experienced leading up to our Wedding Day is very much like what God desires for our walk with Him! He wants us to be singularly focused on Him. He wants us to work out our salvation through the power of the Holy Spirit and an accountability partner – our spouse, if we are married, or our church community, if we are single (Philippians 2:12). He wants us to have a chaste heart (Psalms 51:10-19). He wants our words and actions to proclaim a pure love for Him; He does not want us to have a wandering heart! He desires our whole heart, just like a bride or groom expects from their future spouse on their Wedding Day. God wants to be the Lord of our life. Imagine the heart ache of a groom who learns only after his Wedding Day of the deception of his bride who before marriage gave a portion of her heart to another. Ultimate betrayal. Yet we do it every single day. We elevate something to share center stage with Christ.
HE WANTS TO BE LORD
A question has been nagging me for weeks. Do I live like Jesus is the Lord of my entire life, or is He Lord over just a section of my life … like an earthly boss - from 9 to 5? Consider the question. My answer didn’t please me when I started to examine the evidence. After looking at how I spend my time, talents and resources, I’ve concluded that some days God may just be a great boss. Ouch! I allow Him control over many things, but everything? Sadly, no. I give Him my hours during the day for discipleship of sisters and mentoring of hurting Christian marriages, but not always with every aspect of how I am planning for my future, my dreams and my hopes. I am generous with what I have, but I have been given much – often my gifts are not even noticeable to my daily life. So, could they be called sacrificial? Nope. I love Jesus, but my passion filled speech would suggest I love worldly things just as much. I’ve had a ton to say since the SEC Championship - ”Geaux Tigers!”
I want Jesus … and the world.
Probably, you do too … if you are honest with yourself.
My heart desires success, security, comfort, and status, but my heart needs humility, dependence on God and to be pure in my desire for Him and Him alone. The place where these two hearts collide is life and the struggle is real.
I am reminded of the Old Testament story of Hosea and Gomer, a woman whose heart was filled with lust. God instructed Hosea to marry Gomer, even knowing her problem with promiscuity. At first glance you may not relate to Gomer, a woman who cannot be satisfied and wants her husband and other men as well. But I see myself in the Gomer character. I have a beloved faithful Father who loves me and desires my whole heart, yet I often chase after other things and ignore Him. The story of Gomer is a sad story with the consequences of our unfaithful affections hitting us squarely in the face, but keep reading, friend. You must finish the story to see the hope filled ending. Hosea, is a foreshadowing of Jesus, and he is asked to lay down his life for his undeserving bride.
This story gives the truest, rawest look at redemption in marriage and in a split second you will find yourself not reviling Gomer, but disgusted at the similarities between her heart and yours. You will find yourself desiring a heart change, a supernatural heart transplant, if you will. 😊
In the midst of counselling couples, Jody and I meet brothers and sisters in Christ, Believers, who have had affairs. Sometimes it is the lonely husband with the wandering heart, sometimes the dissatisfied wife who strays. Often times- both. In our conversations, Jody and I strive to be like Jesus at the well, (John 4:4-26) not mincing words with His children about their sins, while being clear in the irresistible invitation to drink from the living water. The easier parts of these conversations explore the behaviors that left them vulnerable to temptation while the more difficult, involves the condition of each heart. Like Gomer, we all need a heart transplant. We need to replace our worldly desires with the things of God.
This is a lifelong journey of sanctification.
We need a new heart.
We need the transformative power of the Holy Spirit in our lives! The reason for an affair is the result of a heart issue- every time. We devalue the relationship we have with our spouse. And we devalue the most important relationship with God. The ramifications of this heart problem trickle into our marriage.
When you find yourself in this situation, petition the Holy Spirit to draw you back to God! No 10-step plan or well-intentioned worldly wisdom can offer lasting help. Only Jesus, our blessed hope! Now that is good news!
WHY IS SUBMISSION HARD?
I think one of the issues people have with submission is that they have no idea what a Lordship relationship looks like. If people only equate Lordship to “Master,” they see visions of awful atrocities – as slavery comes to their mind. Some churched sisters fear abuse like they experience from brothers in Christ who neither understand nor practice complementarianism and my sisters feel marginalized. If you have been in an unsanctified marriage, domination, not submission, is what you may equate Lordship too. All these are wrong images. All these images have an earthly context. All try to put the overwhelming love of our Father, who denied us nothing, into an imperfect box (Romans 8:32). In short, people who do not understand the Lordship relationship don’t want to fully surrender to God because they have been disappointed by man. They can’t imagine true, pure, and sacrificing love. My friend, even if you can’t on your own imagine this kind of love, you can still experience it. You can read about it each and everyday in the Word of God and be washed by His truth. Though the world has been hard at work sabotaging this concept, Jesus is ready, willing and able to redeem your heart and become Lord of your life!
If we get hung up on the Lordship of our Savior, who died on the cross for us, what chance do we have with the “submit one to another” verse (Ephesians 5:21) that precedes our verses for today (Ephesians 5:25-27). We, my brothers and sisters, are the bride of Christ. We are to be the chaste bride who anxiously awaits the coming of Jesus. We need each other in Gospel-saturated marriages and in fellowship in true Christian community so that we can be presented without spot or wrinkle! The illustration of the bride and groom is beautiful one, but don’t let the trees block your view of God’s ordained forest (Ephesians 5:27). Since the first marriage, God knew of its power – marriage is God’s idea! God designed marriage to wield the power, with its lavish yet earthly love and intimacy, that foreshadows God’s own Holy and unimaginable love and intimacy.
Marriage is God’s chosen tool for sanctification.
THE GOAL
Husbands, wives, your goal for your marriage should be for it to sanctify you. You accomplish this through repetitive and loving washing and through correcting of everything that can ruin THE DAY when our Savior calls you home. Whether it be a natural death or a glorious meeting in the sky, guard each other’s hearts and spur each other on in the faith. Sexual happiness, financial security and procreation are too small and too temporal of goals. These things will be the byproducts of marriages that are in full submission to God, but they cannot be the goal! God has called us to Himself! We are His and He is our Good shepherd!
Our goal, my brothers and sisters, is to wash each other in the Word of God. Encourage each other in the pursuit of Christ. And, hold each other accountable to being the person God created you to be – fully His!
At this advent time of year, we are all anxiously awaiting the celebration of the birth of Jesus, his first entrance to the world. May we also not lose sight, even for a minute, of His glorious second coming.
Jesus is indeed coming back for us, His Bride, the Church.
May we live in total surrender to a perfect Lord and Savior who justly judges the world, sees our sins and offers the same sacrifice time and time again – salvation through the propitiation of our sins. (1 John 2:2)
May we then allow this unconditional, sacrificial and forgiveness-based love to trickle down into our marriages so that the true washing can begin!
Hallelujah! A King is coming. Be ready. Stay washed in His Word!
“Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from heaven,
and the powers of the heavens will be shaken.
Then will appear in heaven the sign of the Son of Man, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn,
and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
And he will send out his angels with a loud trumpet call,
and they will gather his elect from the four winds,
from one end of heaven to the other (Matthew 24:29-31 ESV).”
