What is the Mission of Marriage?
What is the Mission of Marriage?
As a former Army wife and the mother of two former Army officer sons, I understand the meaning of mission. A mission for my helicopter pilot husband looked very different from a mission for either my Signal Corp or my Combat Engineer Officer sons. Missions for my husband first considered his mandatory “crew rest” and a cot and a fridge stowed in hi chopper. Missions for my sons only considered how many days they could work without sleep and how much weight they could carry before they dropped! All fun aside, the missions for all three of my men were equally important. In my husband’s day, his missions included airlifting Soldiers to a drop zone, bringing troops needed equipment and supplies and conducting aerial reconnaissance of the battlefield. His missions were decided by his commander and handed down through a chain of command. Every one of his missions considered the bigger picture of protecting freedom and American Soldiers. And, my husband submitted to every task assigned, no matter the weather, no matter the danger, no matter the risk, no matter if the task was convenient, and no matter if he agreed personally with the task assigned by his superiors.
Soldiers follow orders!
Jody, my husband, confidently followed orders all the while knowing that his fellow Soldiers had his back. He did his job competently, and with an Aviator’s swagger, because he trusted his fellow comrades in arms. He knew his brothers and sisters in arms would neither leave him nor neglect their duties. He knew that because every Soldier would complete his or her part of the mission, the greater good would prevail and every Soldier would return home. This broad base of support allowed Jody to be “all in” and freed him to give the mission his very best. He was set up for success as he did his part for the Army’s collective victory!
Happy Veteran’s Day to all men and women who have served in our nation’s Armed Forces!
The support marriage gives a Gospel-centered couple is not dissimilar to the support the larger Army gives to the individual Soldier – when a believing husband and a believing wife clearly know and understand their collective mission, their marriage can empower them like nothing else of this world can! When a believing couple humbly follows Christ, trusts in the Holy Spirit and trusts in each other, they are set up for success and collective eternal victory in Christ! Now, let’s unpack the next section of Ephesians 5 and discover God’s mission for marriage.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV).”
So, what is the mission of marriage?
Every married Believer should know the answer to this question, but surprisingly, many do not.
Over the past five years of leading marriage groups focused on increasing a Gospel presence in our lives and in our marriages, I have been blown away time and time again that many couples have never considered the question and truly have no idea how to answer the question. I blame this on today’s “it’s all about me” culture in our “it’s all about me” world. Many have bought into the myth that marriage was created to make us happy … like much else that they pursue.
I believe that God’s intention is to use the security of a Gospel-saturated marriage as a safe place to make his children more like Him – God, I believe, designed marriage to be a means of making husbands and wives more holy. “Sanctify her.” These words mean not only exactly what they say, but also so much more! God wants to draw your husband unto Himself. And as God does this with him, your husband’s love becomes so unconditional and so godly that it draws you to Christ as well! This drawing process is called sanctification. Yes, the apostle Paul drew for us in his letter to the Ephesians a picture of a Husband’s love for his wife, but Paul’s greater meaning was of Jesus’ love for His bride – His church; with all its brothers and sisters.
God’s desire for all Believers is that they grow in their faith and become holy, like He is holy. I do not believe it was by accident that God used Paul to pen the comparison of a marriage between a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and His church. I believe that no other two relationships between people, marriage for husbands and wives and church for believing brothers and sisters, have the same staying power to address sin. Both were designed by God for sanctification and accountability.
“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely,and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:23).”
What is Sanctification?
Webster defines sanctification as the process used to make someone or something holy, set apart as sacred, consecrated, and to purify our hearts from sin, to make productive of or conducive to spiritual blessing. Simply put, sanctification is our ever deepening walk with Christ! As our ability to accept Jesus’s love and sacrifice grows so does our desire to be more like Him. It’s a natural process in all loving relationships. We want to be like those who we worship. This is the reason why many people copy every move that famous people make. We admire them and we want to be like them. This is not always a bad thing, but it can be if who we worship is not God.
How can God use my Marriage in my sanctification?
We all sin and have fallen short of the goal of righteousness. But, not all of our sins are visible to the world. Many are hidden and only felt or seen by those closest to us. I believe that marriage is where “the rubber meets the road!” Marriage is that place where sin smacks you in the face … and where your sin smacks your spouse’s face.
Jody and I have been struck by each other’s sins. Sometimes by surprise. Sometimes after years of waiting and praying for the right opportunity to bring the issue up. Both of us have learned through the years how each of us prefer correction in love. I say “both of us” because even more basic than our marriage is the fact that we are both brother and sister in Christ. Sometimes it is Jody who plays the Jesus role and sometimes it is me who serves him in this manner.
Jody and I have become students of each other and have been practicing sanctification and accountability for the last two decades. Through the years I have learned that Jody best hears my words of correction or encouragement during recreational activities; not in the heat of the moment, like I first wanted to do early in our marriage.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17 NIV).”
This past Saturday we went on a long walk down the greenway near our home. There had been an issue brewing for a few months and it was forced to the forefront by the innocent questioning of a beloved member of our family. In this instance, it was Jody’s behavior that needed examining through the lens of Christ and over the loving Words of truth in Scripture. I broached the subject while holding his hand and after having given him my full attention for about 20 minutes. In this safe, loving and supported embrace, Jody heard the words of correction and quickly repented. After a few minutes he thanked me for having the courage to “wash him in the word” and told me how loved he felt not only by me but by God in that moment– a Father who loves us lavishly and only desires for us to be sanctified and perfected in preparation for His coming! It was a sweet time of fellowship; not an argument or volley of ugly words. No battle field! Just siblings in Christ fanning the flames of truth in each other’s hearts.
In the security of a battle-tested marriage, sins can be addressed and lives pointed to God! I believe this is the reason God designed marriage … so that He can receive the glory for our lives!
Have you given your spouse permission to hold you accountable?
You must first give your spouse permission to hold you accountable.
Then, do not bite your spouse’s head off as he or she attempts to complete the mission. 😂
Ask your spouse how he or she would like to be corrected or encouraged. When Jody and I first started to make serious strides in this area, Jody requested that we have these kinds of conversations after dinner and not right before bed. I requested that he encourage me while holding my hand or while I was cuddled in his arms. I don’t care the time or the condition of my tummy as much, but I need the physical reassurance of his loving presence. Through the years, we have fine-tuned these conditions as we are continually studying each other’s response to truth and love. We have botched it countless times, but since we sincerely believe in the power that a secure marriage offers the sanctification process, we repent and forgive and try again. We are always tweaking our approach and purifying our hearts,before the first word is spoken, so that God, not us, can be glorified!
Accountability in marriage also requires a deep bank of love that has a lengthy record of deposits ( Love, the language the 💓 Speaks). This may not be something that can be done well in the first few years of marriage. Nevertheless, it needs to be your goal if you want to fully embrace God’s mission for your marriage (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV).
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).”
What role does the church play in sanctification and accountability?
The church has a vital part of the sanctification process.
I pray you are members of a local body of Believers.
The church is where we corporately worship God so that we can spur each other towards holiness (Hebrews 10:24-25) This happens smoothly so long as the church operates more like a hospital that cares for the sick than as a courtroom that makes judgement and declares sentences. A Christian will thrive in the security of a loving church that is committed to shepherding hearts well and discipling believers into spiritual maturity! If this is not the culture of your church leadership, pray for them. After a season of prayer, with no evident change, prayerfully consider a change. I do not take church membership lightly, and I hate to see Christians bounce from church to church. But, I believe that in order for you to maximize your spiritual growth, you need to be in a church that practices loving correction and stirs your faith. If your church values attendance numbers more than investment in your spiritual growth, it may be time to move.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God (Colossians 3:16).”
Thank you for reading today’s post in this Word Washed Wife series on WITHOUT SPOT OR WRINKLE. I pray that you were blessed and feel stirred to take your marriage to the next step in the sanctification process! Do not be content with the present status of your marriage, instead embrace God’s design and plan to use your marriage to make you more like Him!
Stay washed in the Word, my friends!
