Gift Giving Guide for your Spouse
‘Tis the season for bad gift giving, FALALALALA LALA LA LA!
Have you ever gotten a really bad gift? You know the kind. The ones that make you feel invisible or completely misunderstood? Yep- me too. Sadly, I am sure I have given a few too.
When Jody and I were dating he got me the worst Christmas gift ever. We had been dating for 2 and ½ years and I was hoping, praying and looking for an engagement ring under that tree. I envisioned a tiny black box tied with a beautiful red bow. This desire filled my dreams. But when Jody handed me the shirt box sized present- I knew it wasn’t in the cards. I tried to hold in my disappointment, paint on a smile and breathe through the hurt- but I lost it when I saw what was inside. It was a sweater with a big whale on the front- spewing out an angora water spout from it’s blowhole. HARD RULE: No Christmas present should ever be described using the word “blowhole.” Trust me on this, my brothers.
The sweater was ugly and 2 sizes too small. Now I have never been a skinny girl, so I was horrified. The whale was on par with putting a BIG PIG on the sweater! It communicated to me- “you are fat” and not the intended message “you are loved.” If memory serves, I burst into tears and ran to my bedroom, not to return the rest of the evening. Christmas Eve ruined.
As I cried I pondered, how did the man, well boy, I loved knew so little about me!
I was so disappointed.
LOL 😊
I can only imagine how surprised Jody was with my reaction. He thought he was giving me a great gift- an expensive angora sweater that had a cool whale on the front. He did not see me as fat nor did he ever connect the two. He also did not realize my heart was hoping for a commitment in the form of a diamond ring. We have both apologized for the ruined Christmas, many times. But I still always ask before I open a gift from him- “is it another whale?” And now we both laugh.
Gift giving is important. Gift giving offers you the perfect opportunity to share the love the Father has lavished on you with your spouse. A good gift tells the person that you know and value them. Today’s post is going to look at these areas and give you some tips for your gift purchasing in the future. Sit down, get comfy and keep reading.
Good gift giving communicates:
I KNOW YOU
The gift should reflect how well you know your spouse. You should have a running list in your head of all the special things that make your spouse who they are. The gift should reflect how well you know your mate, that is why gift giving is sometimes a tale tell sign that something is amiss in the relationship. If you know exactly what to get your Mom or your kids but no idea what to get your spouse, we may have a problem! It is time to reprioritize your relationships, after God- it should be your spouse, your covenant partner. Every. Single. Time.
If you have no idea what to give your spouse for Christmas- then you need to make it a priority to get to know her or him better. Move out of roommate mode and back into intimate soul mate mode! Schedule a lunch or dinner just the two of you- talk about things of interest. Ask probing questions answered listen to the answers. Get out of the rut of familiarity and truly embrace your spouse. Who are they? What makes them tick? What made them smile the biggest or laugh the hardest this last year? How did God make them unique? What gifts have they been given? The list could go on and on…
· DO: Be a student of your spouse all year long! Keep a mental or true handwritten list of things your spouse desires. When you are out and about notice what peaks your spouse’s interest, take a moment and jot it down.
· DO: Give the present of your presence. It may be your own time you need to give to rock your spouse’s world. For example, if your spouse is an avid golfer, your gift could be investing in your own golf swing so that you can enjoy the golf course together. Or if your spouse has everything but time to do what he wants to do by himself, a solo hobby perhaps, consider giving them the gift of “free time.” This is probably more sacrificial than purchasing an expensive gift, and it may be exactly what your spouse needs to feel loved and known. There have been several times in our marriage that the best gift I gave Jody, my backpacking enthusiast husband, was a guilt free time to go hiking. No strings attached. “Take a week, enjoy yourself. I won’t complain about holding down the fort and I won’t expect this gift in return.” That sacrificial love will not go unnoticed!
· DO: Give the gift of shared experiences. If your spouse has a great time at the movies, then surprise them with a dozen movie tickets, dates/movies to be chosen by him or her. If they are crazy about a band, comedian or guest lecturer, purchase tickets and happily go with them! Do not fall asleep. Enjoy the moment. Even volunteer to stand in the long lines after for autographs or a quick meet and greet. The sky is the limit. If you don’t know where to begin or what they would enjoy? Remember, the knowledge to what they desire is living with you, literally, sleeping next to you each night. Seize the opportunity to truly know your spouse, so that your gift reflects your true heart!
· DON’T: The number one “no-no” is giving your spouse a gift card. This gift communicates that you do not know your spouse well enough to pick out an appropriate gift AND they are not worth your time to shop for a gift. Ugh. If you have already bought a gift card, put it back in your pocket, go to the store and use it to buy that special something. Don’t delegate to your spouse your opportunity to make them feel special, you jump on the chance! Now there is one exception. A gift card is to a niche’ shop for a sizable amount of money to allow your loved one to splurge on themselves may be acceptable. For example, if your spouse is into model trains, they may need to do their own picking for the expertise in this area is not expected of a spouse. And if he is into trains- sorry! I’m sure you will have an extra jewel in your crown one day! 😊 LOL
· DON’T: Please do not walk into a store and look at the crowds, get nervous and buy the first thing you see. A gift bought without thought is a thoughtless gift. And it’s unpleasant aroma will linger in your house for a long time. I am talking more to husbands at the moment, because a majority of woman are not intimidated by stores, many men are. Don’t know why but I see it all the time. The stores know this too. That is why there is always a display of shiny, but unwanted items right near the entrance- hoping to snare someone. Do not fall for this trap! If you are intimidated by crowds and stores that smell of strong perfumes, shop from home! I have done 95% of my shopping over the internet this year, typically from the safety of my warm pjs and my favorite comfy “thinking chair.” LOL
I VALUE YOU
How beautiful the message of value and importance is when it is captured by a gift. When I talk about value I am not talking about large dollar amounts. Nope. I do believe the gift should reflect your level of means, of course. We give from what we have. Regardless of the amount. If you are wealthy and you give your spouse only a cheap token they will possibly feel marginalized and under-valued by you. But if money is tight and your gift is something hand made out of your precious free time, your spouse will feel honored and valued.
DO: Give sacrificially to your spouse. No matter how that looks. Make sure at the end of the day, your love and value is what your spouse walks away feeling.
DO: Do tell your spouse what they mean to you. In a world where everything is trying to crush your spirit take this time to write your spouse a letter or a poem reminding them of how valuable they are to you and to God.
DON’T: Do not forget to get your spouse a gift or let the holiday pass without an affirming gift or statement of your love. When I hear people say “we don’t exchange gifts anymore” what I really hear is “my spouse isn’t that big of a deal anymore.” This message is not one we want to send. If our marriages are to reflect Christ’s love for the church, we are going to have to rethink that statement and pray that He rekindles the love and passion for our spouse.
GRACE FILLED GIFT GIVING
Even after following all these rules, you will miss the mark with a gift occasionally. And that’s okay too. This will give you more opportunity to practice the art of forgiveness and repentance in your marriage.
Even well-intentioned gifts can go awry. I was reminded the other day of a gift that I gave that went wrong, way wrong. Jody and I were living in Germany and we were charged to welcome a new Battalion commander and his wife. It was a few weeks before Christmas and was a tough time to move to a new community. The new commanding couple were to have temporary quarters in the building across the street from us. I, along with a group of sister Officer Wives, wanted to make the new family feel welcome. We knew the trip to Germany would be grueling and wanted to help their transition by stocking the fridge of their new apartment with goodies. So we filled it with bags of ice in the freezer, sodas, beers, sandwich fixings including meats and tuna salad. We decorated a small tree and left it in their living room and put out a few other welcoming touches. We left that afternoon feeling pretty good about our efforts to spread some holiday joy. Our hearts were pure and our gifts appropriate for weary travelers. BUT, yes there is a big but…we forgot to make sure the fridge was working or that the power was on- I truly don’t know what happened. But 18 hours later when the tired family arrived after a long day of travel, they walked into a mess. Water oozed out of the freezer and the contents of the fridge- stank up the place. WHY HAD WE MADE TUNA SALAD? The new commander’s wife was exhausted and put out with what she saw as “uncaring sabotage.” This couldn’t have been farther from the truth, but her feelings were justifiable. Yuck! Not a pleasant memory for any of us, but it holds truth. Sometimes we miss the mark even when our hearts are in the right place. We just have to forgive ourselves and try again! And remember the only perfect gifts come from God, the rest of us can only hope for second best!
JESUS IS THE BEST GIFT!
I am so thankful during the holiday season and all year long- that God sent His only Son down to offer us a path back to Him! What a gift. This gift shows how much God knows us, poor pitiful sinners, and how much He values us- as His very own children!
Please slow down and enjoy the beautiful season with those whom you love! You still have a week before Christmas, so get busy and get the perfect gift for your spouse wrapped and put under the tree! Happy Hunting!
Stay washed in His Word, my friends!
“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
Luke 2:10-14 NIV
